We are sweating like pigs in our apartment. Summer has made an early
appearance in Los Angeles, and the extra heat it brought with it has
caused an incredible amount of turmoil in our apartment. Our air
conditioner doesn't work. The management has been notified previously,
and according to the maintenance man he fixed it, but when the
temperature outside hit ninety degrees yesterday and the thermostat
inside registered nearly one hundred, we attempted to cool ourselves
off with the one luxury we expect to work each time we turn to it, and
that one luxury let us down. We closed all the windows, closed the
blinds, lowered the thermostat to about sixty and tried to cool off,
but to no avail. All that blew out of the vents was more hot air, and
our apartment turned into a sauna. Outside the window, I could hear our
neighbors and their children taking advantage of our apartments
swimming pool, and as much as I wanted to join them, I couldn't. I had
no swimsuit.
Normally this wouldn't be a problem, because when with my family, I'll just put on an old pair of shorts and a tank top and have at it, but this is a new apartment complex for me, full of families with children, and I couldn't bring myself in all my divatude to go out in a pair of cutoffs and t-shirt, so I suffered. I put the fan directly on me, walked back and forth from the kitchen depleting our ice supply, and with every splash I heard from outside, I found myself becoming more and more annoyed. Finally I couldn't take it any longer and decided to drag myself out to do something I haven't done since I was 18 years old and still able to wear a "normal" "large". I went out to by a swimsuit.
My first stop was Ross. It was only fitting since this is the last place I bought a swimsuit. I even managed to find myself in the exact same Ross, which was a sheer coincidence; at eighteen my then boyfriend lived around the corner from it, and now I do. I waded through the jumbled and crowded store and found myself in the Women's Plus section, that jungle of confused racks, unwanted discards carelessly thrown back on the racks and questionable style choices. The first suit to catch my eye was a bright red Apple Bottoms number, but it was a little too pricey and a bit too showy for my tastes. The next thing I picked up was a cute Delta Burke suit that looked more like a swim dress, had just enough pink in it and an attached bottom underneath the dress. At $29.99 it wasn't that bad of a deal, so I put it in my cart and went looking for a cover up. The only thing they had were these long tank-top style dresses that I thought were cute, if not a little plain, but I put one in my cart anyway. I was satisfied and made my way to the front of the store, only to find the line so long you would think they were selling tickets to a Jay-Z concert. If you will learn anything about me, you will learn that I lack patience, and nothing will make me put stuff back in a store faster than a long ass line, so I left my cart holding my place in line while I jumped in my car and made off to the mall.
Ah, the mall. A fat girl's nightmare usually, but this particular mall has a Macy's, a Torrid and a Lane Bryant. I went to Torrid first. Torrid is by far my favorite store for fat girl fashions, because they seem to understand that although we are big, we want to look cute and stylish, and their stuff is just all of that. The other draw for me is that because they are not in every shopping center, I don't have to worry about looking like someone's twin the way I do if I buy things at Lane Bryant. This Torrid had their swimsuits right in the front of the store, so I went to take a peek. I will admit that I was immediately discouraged by the prices. I had a budget I was working with, and the $80 ensembles that Torrid had going on although hot and sexy were a little bit above what I was working with, so I immediately walked out of the store.
My next stop was Macy's Woman, but the saleswoman immediately told me that they had no swimsuits in "large" sizes, only in "regular" sizes. I looked around the racks anyway, wanting to see if they had anything cute, which they did. Lots and lots of Baby Phat. Beyonce's Derreon line is now available in plus-sizes, but to be quite honest, I'm not really impressed with her line. The name is not catchy enough for me, and as a label whore, it is not well known enough either. Besides, it looks like a bunch of t-shirts she slapped a lot of glittery logos on, and that is a bit of a turnoff to me. I left Macy's and went to Lane Bryant, where I was also told there were no swimsuits.
I left the mall empty handed. When I got home, my roommate and I had a few people over, and they wanted to get in the pool. It was now almost one in the morning, and all the kids had since gone to bed, so I saw nothing wrong with putting on my ghetto ensemble, and I gave my roommate's friends a National Geographic show they are not likely to forget soon, because once that water hit the thin material of the Old Navy tank top I was wearing, it was completely see-through. No one said anything.
Today the heat struck again. I left the house again determined to find a swimsuit. I went back to Torrid again and looked over their merchandise. The swimsuits are all really cute, but once again, I was not prepared to spend $80 just so I could get in the pool today. I went across the street to Target where I found the cutest boy short bottoms ever, but the top to the set was missing. Discouraged, I left and came home where I sat in the heat for a little bit before deciding to try a different Target.
This Target actually had the top to the boy shorts I had found in the previous Target, but did not have the bottoms in my size. FRUSTRATION! I looked around more and found a cute swim skirt that was on sale for 9.99. A little more digging garnered me a cute halter-style top to match, and after receiving a little too much attitude from the dressing room attendant, I tried them on.
I will state again that this is the first time I've gone shopping for a real swimsuit in so many years. When I had the entire outfit on, I couldn't help smiling at myself in the mirror. The swimsuit was cute, and it gave me an idea of where I want to go with my body next. Sure, I'm still fat, but I looked good in it. It wasn't an "old lady" suit which we are relegated to a lot of times; it was an honest to goodness stylish set, and I got it for under $30. The halter style top can be a little uncomfortable with my heavy breasts, but I found a way to make even that work, and the feeling of being in a bathing suit again more than made up for it.
Of course, now I am plotting how to go to Torrid and get one of the more expensive sets, because if a Target suit can make me feel this good, I can only imagine what a suit worth some money will do.
As soon as I got home from Target, I put that swimsuit on and walked my fat ass outside and got in the pool. The suit is cute, and I had a few men admiring my breasts in it. The top does a good job flattering them, and I felt no shame at all prancing around the pool this evening. I went back and forth from the pool to the jacuzzi, all the while feeling good in the new suit. This is how it should be.
I plan to spend a lot of time at the pool this summer, so I plan to make sure I have more than one suit.
Today was what Weight Watchers would call a non-scale victory.
Today, I kicked ass in a swimsuit.
Normally this wouldn't be a problem, because when with my family, I'll just put on an old pair of shorts and a tank top and have at it, but this is a new apartment complex for me, full of families with children, and I couldn't bring myself in all my divatude to go out in a pair of cutoffs and t-shirt, so I suffered. I put the fan directly on me, walked back and forth from the kitchen depleting our ice supply, and with every splash I heard from outside, I found myself becoming more and more annoyed. Finally I couldn't take it any longer and decided to drag myself out to do something I haven't done since I was 18 years old and still able to wear a "normal" "large". I went out to by a swimsuit.
My first stop was Ross. It was only fitting since this is the last place I bought a swimsuit. I even managed to find myself in the exact same Ross, which was a sheer coincidence; at eighteen my then boyfriend lived around the corner from it, and now I do. I waded through the jumbled and crowded store and found myself in the Women's Plus section, that jungle of confused racks, unwanted discards carelessly thrown back on the racks and questionable style choices. The first suit to catch my eye was a bright red Apple Bottoms number, but it was a little too pricey and a bit too showy for my tastes. The next thing I picked up was a cute Delta Burke suit that looked more like a swim dress, had just enough pink in it and an attached bottom underneath the dress. At $29.99 it wasn't that bad of a deal, so I put it in my cart and went looking for a cover up. The only thing they had were these long tank-top style dresses that I thought were cute, if not a little plain, but I put one in my cart anyway. I was satisfied and made my way to the front of the store, only to find the line so long you would think they were selling tickets to a Jay-Z concert. If you will learn anything about me, you will learn that I lack patience, and nothing will make me put stuff back in a store faster than a long ass line, so I left my cart holding my place in line while I jumped in my car and made off to the mall.
Ah, the mall. A fat girl's nightmare usually, but this particular mall has a Macy's, a Torrid and a Lane Bryant. I went to Torrid first. Torrid is by far my favorite store for fat girl fashions, because they seem to understand that although we are big, we want to look cute and stylish, and their stuff is just all of that. The other draw for me is that because they are not in every shopping center, I don't have to worry about looking like someone's twin the way I do if I buy things at Lane Bryant. This Torrid had their swimsuits right in the front of the store, so I went to take a peek. I will admit that I was immediately discouraged by the prices. I had a budget I was working with, and the $80 ensembles that Torrid had going on although hot and sexy were a little bit above what I was working with, so I immediately walked out of the store.
My next stop was Macy's Woman, but the saleswoman immediately told me that they had no swimsuits in "large" sizes, only in "regular" sizes. I looked around the racks anyway, wanting to see if they had anything cute, which they did. Lots and lots of Baby Phat. Beyonce's Derreon line is now available in plus-sizes, but to be quite honest, I'm not really impressed with her line. The name is not catchy enough for me, and as a label whore, it is not well known enough either. Besides, it looks like a bunch of t-shirts she slapped a lot of glittery logos on, and that is a bit of a turnoff to me. I left Macy's and went to Lane Bryant, where I was also told there were no swimsuits.
I left the mall empty handed. When I got home, my roommate and I had a few people over, and they wanted to get in the pool. It was now almost one in the morning, and all the kids had since gone to bed, so I saw nothing wrong with putting on my ghetto ensemble, and I gave my roommate's friends a National Geographic show they are not likely to forget soon, because once that water hit the thin material of the Old Navy tank top I was wearing, it was completely see-through. No one said anything.
Today the heat struck again. I left the house again determined to find a swimsuit. I went back to Torrid again and looked over their merchandise. The swimsuits are all really cute, but once again, I was not prepared to spend $80 just so I could get in the pool today. I went across the street to Target where I found the cutest boy short bottoms ever, but the top to the set was missing. Discouraged, I left and came home where I sat in the heat for a little bit before deciding to try a different Target.
This Target actually had the top to the boy shorts I had found in the previous Target, but did not have the bottoms in my size. FRUSTRATION! I looked around more and found a cute swim skirt that was on sale for 9.99. A little more digging garnered me a cute halter-style top to match, and after receiving a little too much attitude from the dressing room attendant, I tried them on.
I will state again that this is the first time I've gone shopping for a real swimsuit in so many years. When I had the entire outfit on, I couldn't help smiling at myself in the mirror. The swimsuit was cute, and it gave me an idea of where I want to go with my body next. Sure, I'm still fat, but I looked good in it. It wasn't an "old lady" suit which we are relegated to a lot of times; it was an honest to goodness stylish set, and I got it for under $30. The halter style top can be a little uncomfortable with my heavy breasts, but I found a way to make even that work, and the feeling of being in a bathing suit again more than made up for it.
Of course, now I am plotting how to go to Torrid and get one of the more expensive sets, because if a Target suit can make me feel this good, I can only imagine what a suit worth some money will do.
As soon as I got home from Target, I put that swimsuit on and walked my fat ass outside and got in the pool. The suit is cute, and I had a few men admiring my breasts in it. The top does a good job flattering them, and I felt no shame at all prancing around the pool this evening. I went back and forth from the pool to the jacuzzi, all the while feeling good in the new suit. This is how it should be.
I plan to spend a lot of time at the pool this summer, so I plan to make sure I have more than one suit.
Today was what Weight Watchers would call a non-scale victory.
Today, I kicked ass in a swimsuit.
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