May 2008 Archives

We are sweating like pigs in our apartment.  Summer has made an early appearance in Los Angeles, and the extra heat it brought with it has caused an incredible amount of turmoil in our apartment.  Our air conditioner doesn't work.  The management has been notified previously, and according to the maintenance man he fixed it, but when the temperature outside hit ninety degrees yesterday and the thermostat inside registered nearly one hundred, we attempted to cool ourselves off with the one luxury we expect to work each time we turn to it, and that one luxury let us down.  We closed all the windows, closed the blinds, lowered the thermostat to about sixty and tried to cool off, but to no avail.  All that blew out of the vents was more hot air, and our apartment turned into a sauna. Outside the window, I could hear our neighbors and their children taking advantage of our apartments swimming pool, and as much as I wanted to join them, I couldn't.  I had no swimsuit. 

Normally this wouldn't be a problem, because when with my family, I'll just put on an old pair of shorts and a tank top and have at it, but this is a new apartment complex for me, full of families with children, and I couldn't bring myself in all my divatude to go out in a pair of cutoffs and t-shirt, so I suffered.  I put the fan directly on me, walked back and forth from the kitchen depleting our ice supply, and with every splash I heard from outside, I found myself becoming more and more annoyed.  Finally I couldn't take it any longer and decided to drag myself out to do something I haven't done since I was 18 years old and still able to wear a "normal" "large".  I went out to by a swimsuit.

My first stop was Ross.  It was only fitting since this is the last place I bought a swimsuit.  I even managed to find myself in the exact same Ross, which was a sheer coincidence; at eighteen my then boyfriend lived around the corner from it, and now I do. I waded through the jumbled and crowded store and found myself in the Women's Plus section, that jungle of confused racks, unwanted discards carelessly thrown back on the racks and questionable style choices.  The first suit to catch my eye was a bright red Apple Bottoms number, but it was a little too pricey and a bit too showy for my tastes.  The next thing I picked up was a cute Delta Burke suit that looked more like a swim dress, had just enough pink in it and an attached bottom underneath the dress.  At $29.99 it wasn't that bad of a deal, so I put it in my cart and went looking for a cover up. The only thing they had were these long tank-top style dresses that I thought were cute, if not a little plain, but I put one in my cart anyway.  I was satisfied and made my way to the front of the store, only to find the line so long you would think they were selling tickets to a Jay-Z concert.  If you will learn anything about me, you will learn that I lack patience, and nothing will make me put stuff back in a store faster than a long ass line, so I left my cart holding my place in line while I jumped in my car and made off to the mall.

Ah, the mall.  A fat girl's nightmare usually, but this particular mall has a Macy's, a Torrid and a Lane Bryant.  I went to Torrid first.  Torrid is by far my favorite store for fat girl fashions, because they seem to understand that although we are big, we want to look cute and stylish, and their stuff is just all of that.  The other draw for me is that because they are not in every shopping center, I don't have to worry about looking like someone's twin the way I do if I buy things at Lane Bryant.  This Torrid had their swimsuits right in the front of the store, so I went to take a peek.  I will admit that I was immediately discouraged by the prices.  I had a budget I was working with, and the $80 ensembles that Torrid had going on although hot and sexy were a little bit above what I was working with, so I immediately walked out of the store.

My next stop was Macy's Woman, but the saleswoman immediately told me that they had no swimsuits in "large" sizes, only in "regular" sizes.  I looked around the racks anyway, wanting to see if they had anything cute, which they did.  Lots and lots of Baby Phat.  Beyonce's Derreon line is now available in plus-sizes, but to be quite honest, I'm not really impressed with her line.  The name is not catchy enough for me, and as a label whore, it is not well known enough either.  Besides, it looks like a bunch of t-shirts she slapped a lot of glittery logos on, and that is a bit of a turnoff to me.  I left Macy's and went to Lane Bryant, where I was also told there were no swimsuits.

I left the mall empty handed.  When I got home, my roommate and I had a few people over, and they wanted to get in the pool.  It was now almost one in the morning, and all the kids had since gone to bed, so I saw nothing wrong with putting on my ghetto ensemble, and I gave my roommate's friends a National Geographic show they are not likely to forget soon, because once that water hit the thin material of the Old Navy tank top I was wearing, it was completely see-through.  No one said anything.

Today the heat struck again.  I left the house again determined to find a swimsuit.  I went back to Torrid again and looked over their merchandise.  The swimsuits are all really cute, but once again, I was not prepared to spend $80 just so I could get in the pool today.  I went across the street to Target where I found the cutest boy short bottoms ever, but the top to the set was missing.  Discouraged, I left and came home where I sat in the heat for a little bit before deciding to try a different Target.

This Target actually had the top to the boy shorts I had found in the previous Target, but did not have the bottoms in my size.  FRUSTRATION!  I looked around more and found a cute swim skirt that was on sale for 9.99.  A little more digging garnered me a cute halter-style top to match, and after receiving a little too much attitude from the dressing room attendant, I tried them on.

I will state again that this is the first time I've gone shopping for a real swimsuit in so many years. When I had the entire outfit on, I couldn't help smiling at myself in the mirror.  The swimsuit was cute, and it gave me an idea of where I want to go with my body next.  Sure, I'm still fat, but I looked good in it.  It wasn't an "old lady" suit which we are relegated to a lot of times; it was an honest to goodness stylish set, and I got it for under $30. The halter style top can be a little uncomfortable with my heavy breasts, but I found a way to make even that work, and the feeling of being in a bathing suit again more than made up for it.

Of course, now I am plotting how to go to Torrid and get one of the more expensive sets, because if a Target suit can make me feel this good, I can only imagine what a suit worth some money will do.

As soon as I got home from Target, I put that swimsuit on and walked my fat ass outside and got in the pool.  The suit is cute, and I had a few men admiring my breasts in it. The top does a good job flattering them, and I felt no shame at all prancing around the pool this evening.  I went back and forth from the pool to the jacuzzi, all the while feeling good in the new suit.  This is how it should be.

I plan to spend a lot of time at the pool this summer, so I plan to make sure I have more than one suit.

Today was what Weight Watchers would call a non-scale victory.

Today, I kicked ass in a swimsuit.

I'm up; I've had breakfast, and I'm ready to begin my day.  With the kitchen already scrubbed down last night, today means my bathroom and my bedroom. I hate cleaning the bathroom, but the only thing I hate more than cleaning the bathroom is using a dirty one, so it must be done. 

The rest of the day is up in the air.  There is the possibility of dinner at a Cuban restaurant later, but those details have yet to be worked out. My cousins would like me to stop by for another drinking party, but considering the wine I had last night I'm not sure I am up for that this evening.

I have a story I'm working on.  I'd like to put in some writing on that.

And of course there is picture taking, but that will have to wait until about 4pm or so.

And that, is today.

Another Friday night with my bottle of FishEye, KCRW and the laptop.  I scrubbed the kitchen down and am now taking a little break.  I am learning to appreciate the little things in life like a clean kitchen, a chilled bottle of wine and the silence of my own thoughts.

Some cheese to go along with this wine would definitely be good.  I have some cheddar in the fridge, but it's so incredibly hot right now, and the air conditioner is not working in our apartment for some strange reason that management cannot explain, so the effort of moving towards the refrigerator to remove said cheese and put it in my mouth is a lot more than I am ready to expend at this point.

Some things I learned this week:

1. I only need one Fiber One bar per day.  One helps me stay regular; two gives me something akin to the bubble guts, and that is definitely not a fun time.
2. It is possible to overdo it with the 100-calorie snack packs.  I learned a lesson in packing my food this week.  Simply packing 100-calorie snacks and no real substantial food leads to me just "snacking" my way through the day instead of eating.  I learned to pack much better lunches that included more nutritious choices and left me feeling fuller for longer periods of time.
3. Planning your meals ahead of time helps.  A lot.
4. My roommate doesn't clean the kitchen because she is in grad school.  This is also why she leaves dishes in her room. 
   
5. My daily commute is frustrating, but is made worthwhile by the cheap rent I pay in the Valley.  I haven't been doing that badly on gas either.
6. White people love the natural look on me.  I've gotten more compliments from the white people at work than anyone else actually.  They pretty much gush over it.
7. Nexus Humectress is the shit.
8. So is their Therappe shampoo.  I have taken to washing my hair daily and using the humectress as a leave-in conditioner, and I swear, my hair has never been healthier.  I don't even use grease or oils in my hair any longer.  I let it air dry, and it just curls right up just the way I like it.  I have a very tight coil in my hair, and the curls are really springy, and it seems like this combination of haircare products amplifies these natural attributes.  I love it.
9. The Valley is Vegas hot, except with humidity.
10. I love stuff from American Apparel.
    

When you get right down to it, eating healthy is very easy. Adding a few extra steps to my day has meant almost nothing, and the rewards are far greater than the effort I've put into it.

I made my own egg muffin today.  I used a low-calorie english muffin from Thomas', 1/4 of a cup of egg beaters (which is a lot of "egg"!), one veggie sausage patty, and a slice of Sargento low-fat cheddar.  It was yummy in my tummy is all I can say about that.

I've gotten in the habit of carrying my own food with me wherever I go.  Carrots and hummus are a favorite snack, and Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones serve as good dinners for nights when I'm working late.

I should state for the record that I am not on a diet; I am simply trying to eat better, and it is working for me, because my clothes don't really fit well anymore, but I refuse to buy anything new as the pounds and inches seem to be dropping rather rapidly and I haven't stayed the same size for more than a month or two recently.

I'm loving these new habits.  Of course, I am a long way from where I want to be, but in the right now, in this moment, I am happy with the things that I am doing, and that makes a huge difference in building these habits, because it makes me want to keep it up.

The Snoop Dogg One Life To Live intro I was gushing about!

I'm thinking of making some changes in my domain-whoring kingdom. I want to move some things around and make changes in other spots. Exactly how all of this will go down I am not sure, because I am still in the planning stages, but suffice it to say that being around creative people spurs creativity, and I am ready to for something new; I find myself tired of the same old thing. 

Please, stay tuned.

1. Meeting Mel and Derrick yesterday was one of the best things about this weekend.  People who understand and embrace the concept of High Fashion/Low Fashion are the win in my book.
2. Spending time with the parents this weekend was awesome. My mom, sister and I yesterday followed by the cousins yesterday evening, the family for champagne brunch this morning and then Costco and a movie with mom and Dad afterwards was just splendid.
3. 3:10 to Yuma made my top movies list after my watching it today.
4. Hershey's 100 calorie candy bars are officially the shit.
5. You need to go buy American Idol for your Xbox right now.
   

I finally got around to adding all the old archives from my old sites.  Apparently the categories got imported too, which is annoying but fixable.  There may be some broken links in there, so if you run across any, be sure to point them out so that I can fix them.  Enjoy my long, sordid past.

A bulletin I received on MySpace today from my buddy Keith Brantley aka The Modern Griot:

Just a little food for thought; Have you ever noticed how Hollywood reinforces the subordinate and compassionate nature of women? For instance, every male monster had some woman that was in love with him. Swamp Thing, Ben Grim (the thing from Fantastic Four), the Fly, Vincent of beauty and the Beast fame, and the list goes on and on. But imagine if the main characters were women who had become grotestue monsters; would you see men willing to lay down with them? If the Beast were a woman with lion-like features and lived in a sewer system, no man would fall in love with her, no matter how much poetry she spat. Hollywood would never place a man in such a situation

I couldn't agree more.

1. Do not try to toast that Orowheat 40 calorie per slice bread that I mentioned before.  It makes it very rubbery.
2. I'm tired of people saying "Yay Area".  If you've never sold, seen or encountered "Yay", please stop immediately.  Also, please don't tell me it is a cute euphemism for the fun you have there. 
   
3. I'm liking the headwrap look I've been sporting lately.  I love that I got so many colors.  I'm extremely color coordinated.
4. Packing your own lunch rules.
5. So does transporting your own coffee each morning.
6. I love that fresh from the shower feeling in the mornings.  It does a body good after a good night's rest, which I definitely got last night.
7. I've been drinking a lot more water lately and a lot less of everything else.  It's coffee in the morning, and then usually water for the rest of the day.  I find it easier and easier to pass up sodas, even diet ones, in favor of a cold glass or bottle of water.
8. My mom and dad are the best ever.
9. I know everyone is into joining the latest social networking site as it comes up, but do people even have an inkling of how powerful these tools really are?
10. I still have not found a suitable person to go to lollapalooza with yet.  This saddens me.
    

Featuring Zoe Kravitz

Last night, the roomie and I decided it would be a good idea to finish off this bottle of margarita mix that we had because it was taking up room in the refrigerator that we needed for some other items. It was a bottle of Jose Cuervo Golden Margarita, which is a "ready to serve top shelf margarita made with Cuervo Gold Tequila and Grand Marnier Liqueur", and I decided that it might be a good idea to finish off the bottle of tequila we had in the cabinet right along with it, so with that decision made, I poured the tequila directly into the margarita mix bottle, shook it up, and put it in the freezer to chill. 

When we felt it was sufficiently chilled, we poured our glasses, made a toast and watched our DVR'd episodes of Big Brother 9 while drinking margaritas from our salted Ikea drinking glasses. An hour later, we were both so drunk it was hard to function.  I'm talking crawling on the floor because it was a lot easier to do than walking.  We lost ourself in drunken giggles, attempted to watch Sex and the City DVDs and finally fell asleep on our living room floor slumber party style.  We woke up at six this morning and went into our respective rooms to sleep, and while sleeping I kept thinking I was sleeping way too late, but upon rising and looking at the clock, I realize it is only eight in the morning. 

So in summary, getting drunk is fun, and it does not stop you from getting up early in the morning.

Now, to do laundry, clean my room and clean the bathroom.  Thankfully, we cleaned the kitchen last night before we started drinking.

So by special request, I am posting pictures of my first headwrap style. Actually this will be my second; I put one on last night to test out my scarf wrapping skills and neglected to take pictures of myself in it. No worries, because this one is pink, my favorite color, and a more perfect wrap than the one I did last night if I must say so myself.

The scarf is actually very long.  I have some ideas of different ways I'd like to play with the scarves, including mixing two scarves together to create one color coordinated look.  And we all know how vain I am, so we can expect more pictures like these to come soon. 

The one thing I like best about these scarves is they are perfect for summer; the lightweight cotton makes it easy for me to wear them without breaking out into a sweat.

Tomorrow I will try leaving just a bit more of my hair uncovered in the front and see how that look works for me.

1.  I am newly addicted to American Apparel.  I got seventeen (17) of their cotton scarves because while in their outlet store downtown, I realized these things make perfect headwraps.  They also have cool shorts, socks and undies.  I am a fan of cute, cotton undies.

2.  I've gotten in the habit of packing food with me wherever I go, and now I cannot break it.  I love to have my own snacks -- yogurt, fruit, those little 100 calorie packs -- and they help me get through the day without numerous trips to the vending machine or worse yet, spending money in the cafeteria, because our cafeteria is so expensive.

3.  I'm officially going natural again.  Also shorter.  Summer has officially started here in Southern Cali, and that calls for some readjustments in the hair department.  This is also why those lightweight scarves from American Apparel are coming in handy.

4.  I weighed myself for the first time in a very long while yesterday, and I realized the number one reason why I don't do it; the scale lies.  It tells me that I'm not losing anything, but I know that I am, because I am hard-pressed these days to find anything in my closet that fits without drowning me.  I either need an entire denim jeans overhaul or a belt, because my pants are actually falling off of me now.  I am not even actively trying to lose weight either.  After my twelve week stint in Weight Watchers, I decided that while in theory their lessons can be applied to make me a healthier eater, in practice, what I need goes far beyond what Weight Watchers can offer me.  So, I've made adjustments in the way that I eat, make better food choices while at the grocery store, try to abstain from fast food as much as humanly possible, and all of this is working for me in some form or fashion, because the pounds/inches/whatever just keep dropping off.  My roommate is always telling me, "Wow, just look at you."

5.  I am now acknowledging and embracing this second adolescence I seem to be going through.  The discoveries I am making about myself are refreshing and endless.  I am loving my life right now.

I made love to myself this morning before work.  Fresh from the shower with my skin still damp, I lay on my bed, opened my legs and made love to myself.  I took my time and didn't rush it.  No toys or electrical devices were involved, just me and my two hands.  One hand cupped my ample breasts while the other stroked my clitoris until I was brought to climax.  At that point, I yelled out. 

Then I kissed myself, congratulated myself on a job well-done and went to work.

Loving yourself is the best medicine ever.

I recommend everyone try it.