I mentioned my ex yesterday. The love/hate relationship that I have with him has a history that would take many pages to write about. We have been through ups and downs, trials and tribulations, drama and more drama and yet we have managed to maintain some type of friendship for as long as we have known each other. There are things about him that I like and there are things that I don’t like. It’s the same with anyone.
The demise of our relationship was a painful one and there were a lot of bad feelings on both sides. Mending a relationship as damaged as the one we had has been a very trying experience. I’ve done my part to not do the things to him that I know annoy him or make him feel uncomfortable. My efforts have been successful. I can’t say whether or not he has made a conscious effort to cut out his nonsense. He’s never spoken to me about it and his actions show me that either it’s really hard for him to change or he’s just selfish and doesn’t give a shit. The most aggravating feeling in the world is the one you have when you give this same person chance after chance and they still can't manage to get it right. Such has been my experience with my ex this weekend.
Of the habits he had which made me want to beat him senseless, the worst by far is his propensity to flake. In situations great or small, he can and will not show up and not call, leaving you wondering what the hell happened. I have had it happen on dates I had scheduled with him. I have had him leave me waiting for him to take me to work causing me to be late or miss a day altogether. He usually won’t call after such an episode. His regard for other people’s time is non-existent. He’s a Leo and that has always been my excuse for him.
Whatever the bad things were that happened when we were together/fooling around, I have attempted to give him a second chance as “friends” because I still see the good in him as a person and the potential for him to be a decent human being.
Yesterday I spoke with him early in the day while we were moving. He told me he would come over and hook up the stereo equipment after he came from doing something on his brother's computer. The last thing I said to him on the phone was "don't fake". He told me he wouldn't and we left it at that. That was around noon yesterday. I didn't hear from him all day and later in the evening I called and left a message on his machine telling him he was full of shit because I hadn't heard from him. He calls right back and leaves a message on my cell telling me I didn't even give him a chance to call back.
"Mo, you know how it is when you’re visiting with family."
Whatever. How long should I wait for someone who promised they were going to do something to keep their word?
He caught up to me while Ms Stella and I were wandering around Target spending too much money. He told me he was ready to come and do it if I was ready. Mind you it's now a little after six in the evening. It’s dark out and he tells me that he really doesn’t want to drive his car at night, bla bla bla. “You know how it is,“ he says. I told him it would be okay if he called me the next day (today) to hook it up. He said he would call early in the morning so we could hurry and get it done.
Cut to today. I get his phone call at one in the afternoon.
“What’s up Mo? You still want to get that done?“
“Yeah. What’s wrong with you? You sound like you are still asleep.“
“I just woke up. I’m taking advantage of being unemployed, I told you that.“
“Yeah, okay. Isn’t like two in the afternoon though?“
“No, it’s only one.“
“Oh.“ I yawn. “Still.“
“Look at you, you’re still yawning.“
“I’m yawning but I’ve been up since early this morning. Up and dressed.“
“I’m dressed!“
“Okay well come on so we can get it done then.“
I give him the directions to my house and he tells me he is on his way. I go about my business and handle things around the house. The brakes on the car were being worked on and that took up the majority of the day. With no wheels and nothing to do but play GTA Vice City for about an hour, take an hour-long nap and talk to my girl Andrea in Charlotte for about 20 or 30 minutes. I get his next phone call a little after 4 in the afternoon.
"Mo, I'm on my way right now."
"Are you sure nigga cause I could have sworn you were on your way three hours ago?"
"No, for real. I'm on my way. I got caught up watching a college football game."
"Well, you couldn't call and say that? I mean, damn."
I’m beginning to feel irritated at this point. Not irritated at the flakiness itself, but the attitude behind it. As if I have nothing to do all day but wait around for him to do what he says he is going to do.
"I'm going to come do it right now."
I don’t feel like dealing with him or his bullshit at this point. It’s boring, old and tired.
"That's okay. You don't have to."
"Mo."
"What?"
"I said I'm on my way."
"And I said that's okay. You don't have to do it. I'll get someone else to do it."
There is a pause and then he sighs in an exasperated tone.
"All right then," he says.
*Click.*
I disconnect the call. I'm even more irritated by the fact that he obviously has no clue. We've been through a lot of shit together and I would imagine that after all this time he would actually become decent. He says the right things and emulates the right attitudes but that's all that it is. Emulation.
Or maybe I just want more for him as a person than he wants for himself. I see the potential in him to be a good man, but for the time being he is still stuck in this boy mode.
Oh well, I got it off my chest. I feel better.
You know how it is.
Awwww shit! I haven't even read the damn post, yet. New design! New design! I knew you were up to something.
Nothing annoys me more than that kind of stuff, especially when someone refuses to account for their actions. I don't know how you do it Mon. I'd be crazy heated....
Hey Mo. *big hug* I've been gone a minute, so let me try to cram all my comments from your last few posts into one. :)
1) Nice redesign. *smile* You know I like the flowers.
2) Thank you for being a good friend, too. *hug again*
3) I liked this post. We all have a relationship or two or three we can write about that's like this. "The most aggravating feeling in the world is the one you have when you give this same person chance after chance and they still can't manage to get it right." Amen. Somewhere along the line, I have just stopped giving people so many chances. One of the best things I have ever done. But it's still frustrating as hell.
4) Congrats on making the decision to go back to school!
5) We've already talked about not spending as much time online. Isn't it interesting how priorities just shift?
Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling now. And oh yeah, glad you had a good Thanksgiving.
Oh brotha Nique! Haha! I'm with j.brotherlove. I came here to check on you thinkin' I would just read a short little post and tell you hi. Now I see this long ass entry that I gotta come back to read because I am about to feed Kel. LOL.. I shall return a little later. I did see "ex" though mentioned in teh post so I am reallyt interested. *chucklin'* I like the redesign gurl. Simple, purty and tasteful. :) I'll be back boo. *muah*
P.S. I think you got me beat in regards to writin' long posts. LOL! :P
My friends are all chronically late, and I'm always on time, so I sympathize with what you say about people's regard for other people's time. My friend Paul is the worst - always coming up with new ways to be late. It's always something. I try not to care about it but sometimes it's hard.
good morning nique,
i truly hate to hear about what you are dealing with, girl men can be a trip and i can relate to what you mean when you try to make something work and get no results. i just hope you will make the right decision.
hope you enjoyed thanksgiving, have a great day!
ugh. i have one of those leo's too. makes me want to whoop up on his ass.
j - thank you! i kinda dig it myself!
brick- I don't know how I did it either but I don't have to do it anymore and I won't.
nini - as i said to brick, i'm just revoking his access card. i don't have the time nor the patience to try and "raise" a grown ass man. and yeah, going back to school has me all stoked. I don't even miss the internet to be honest. it's been kinda cool to be detached a bit.
tee - naw girl, i think you got me beat on the long posts. it's cool though, i like reading your long ones even if i don't get to comment as much. so yeah, come back and read cause i wanna hear what you think.
adam - it's hard putting up with other people's bullshit isn't it?
lashundra - i already have made the decision girl.
Flowers make me smile
and as for the ex all I can say is
it's all about the choices WE make, we either deal with it or not
Damn...this must be "ex season." It's hilarious when they try to reopen closed chapters, and you reclose it before they can even glance at the page.
Time to take a mental and emotional enema babe. Cleanse your mind and spirit from the "I wannabeamanbutthethoughtofgrowingupistoodamnscary" nukka and move on. Stop trying to be his friend. Bless him and send him on his way.
And that's all that I have to say about THAT! Smoooooooooooooooches!
Man. I hate this kind of mess. I completely identify with the situation. But, why do we keep giving them chances?
Actually, my ex (the one that was so undependable like yours) finally broke me and I haven't talked to his weak ass in years. It's been lovely.
Nique, I agree with Ms. Stella! I can't even guess what that nicca's problem is. Seems like sumone has ALOT of growin' up to do. I know that you are bein' the mature one and tryin' to keep some kind of positivity in the friendship that ya'll now have. But it is obvious that this boy has some real issues. If he really valued you and wanted to keep thangs positive between ya'll he would just do as he says. Damn! There comes a time when people grow up and need to learn how to act responsible. This nicca aint doin' that nor does it look like he is anywhere near that point. Move on Nique. He aint got a damn thang to offer you. Dealin' with him even in just a platonic way will only leave you feelin' annoyed, frustrated, irritated, etc. Tell him when he decides to get it together and be a man then you and him can be cool. Until then, he needs to get to steppin'. Word.
P.S. And why does this post make me think of some of my past ex's? Now you got me wantin' to beat the shit outta old flames. Rotfl!!! :P
*exhales*
some men really need to declare where theyre going and pick up the damn fone. You tell me and I tell ya.
Oh yeah.
i can't stand a flake. and the flakes i know all have an excuse for everything. they can't ever just say, "you know, i phucked up...i should've called...i'm sorry"...because THEN, 1) they'd have to take responsibility for their (lame-ass) actions, and 2) they might have to consider changing those behaviors and acting right.
i'm with anitra and j and others...if it were me, the brotha'd be fresh outta chances. i don't even really know you, but you obviously deserve to be treated better. :)
Lisa - You are so right! Also, I'm having problems getting to your site the past few days. Is it me or blogspot?
In Henderson? I'm in Henderson! Green Valley, to be exact, and it's good to see a sistah-friend representin' in this electronic playground.
Much love,
n.