waving my magic wand

how high? (a haiku)
why am i still up?
‘cause i’m still riding that high.
don’t wanna come down.

um yeah
I don't know why I'm still up. I'm just in awe of how good my birthday has made me feel. Not like I got a million dollars or something. Something about it though. I think I do feel a little different.

Someone told me I'm not a girl anymore, I'm a woman now. They said I had a deepened, woman's voice. (does that mean I sound like a man? they said no) They said I was changing in ways that moved me from girl to woman. I guess that's part of it. I do feel that part.

I'm starting to realize that I am more responsible for my own happiness, my own heartaches and my own disappointments than anyone else. When I was talking to Saima about the magic wand, I asked her what she would change and then she in turn asked me the same thing. I ran off a list of things off to her and her response to me was, “all of those are attainable.” And she's totally right.

It's not like I hadn't thought this to myself. Hearing someone else say it though - I think it just brought it home for me further. I am in control. I can create the life I desire for myself. Because ultimately every choice I make on a daily basis determines the outcome of my day, week, month, year and ultimately my entire life in some way, shape or form. Damn. That's deep.

So if that's true, then everything I do during every second of each day should in some way contribute to the life I see myself leading one, five or ten years from now. Whatever I do has to be directly related to whatever I want.

I can dig it.

So I'm waving my magic wand. I made a birthday wish tonight on a candle (after which my mom commented "damn nigga, it's a wish, not a prayer). Even that wish is within my control. It's all about going after what I want. Right?

Oh, eventually I will finish the post that talks about what happened this weekend. The rest of what happened anyway. The concert and all that.