December 2001 Archives

working on my new
layout has been a challenge
but i enjoy it

I went to bed at 8pm last night. I was dead tired. I feel a little better this morning after all that sleep. I probably won’t feel 100 percent until after I have my coffee.

I’m still restless about the site. I think there are other changes I want to make. Not sure how I want to implement them yet. Stay tuned.

You know what I hate? People that say one thing and do another. Man.

I got a lot of work done on my room but there is still a lot more that needs to be done now that I’ve pulled all the junk out of the closet. I’d love to go into detail but there is a hot shower with my name on it.

I am surviving on very little sleep at this point. Leoboy invited me over his house for dinner last night. I accepted. He made a chicken, homemade stuffing, homemade yams and macaroni and cheese. We watched Ghosts of Mars and Pearl Harbor. I fell asleep on Pearl Harbor but I saw the first half. When I woke up it was 4am and I had to go home so I could make it to work on time. Needless to say I‘m tired as hell now. Today went by fast luckily. I wouldn‘t have been able to survive if it had been one of those days that just drags on and on. I went to Starbucks on lunch and got a cup of coffee. I’m still ready to lie down but I am actually in the middle of cleaning my room. Can you believe it? My room has been begging for a cleaning this thorough for a long time. I actually cleaned out my closet. Yay me.

It’s all part of that whole trying to get organized thing. There are still other things I need to do to get more organized but cleaning my room is a big start.

I found a new site today that I really like. Karenika has a nice set up. I really love the layout and the content presentation. Simple and functional.

I had fun going clubbing this weekend believe it or not. I didn’t expect to have as much fun as I did and I’m glad I went. I’m looking forward to hanging out with the crew again this weekend.

My hair color is slowly changing to what I suppose will be the final result. Yesterday it was looking orange to me but today you can actually see that it’s honey blonde. I like it.

I had fun with Leoboy last night. I want to say more about it but I’m tired and not really in the mood to put forth a writing effort.

My weekend has been nonstop. It started on Friday.

I had to get up at 5:30am in order to be at work at 7am. I worked four hours and got off at 11. It was payday so Yum Yum, Japanese Fish and I went to Vacation Village (a casino) and cashed our checks. Oh you didn’t know? When you live in Vegas and you are over the age of 21 you don’t have to bother with banks or check cashing places to cash your check. You can just walk into any casino and they will do it for free. We had made plans earlier in the week to spend Friday afternoon shopping for outfits that we would wear to the club on Saturday night. While we were cashing our checks we got word that Too Tough wanted to go with us so we had to go pick her up first. She blew my cell phone up forever mind you, asking when we were going to get to her house and when we finally got there the heifer wasn’t even ready to go. You know we clowned her for five minutes before we even left her apartment complex.

Our first mall destination was Sunset Galleria. We walked around that mall for an hour and didn’t find anything we liked. We had lunch at Panda Express while we discussed our options and what the next step would be. I realize now why I never eat Chinese food in the mall. That was some of the nastiest Panda Inn/Panda Express food I have ever had in my life. PF Changs for me baby. I suggested we try another mall, but there were other beauty factors involved. Japanese Fish wanted to get her hair braided, I wanted to get my hair cut and Yum Yum wanted Choco to get a haircut as well. I was the one driving; everyone else had left their cars at the office. We decided to go back to the office to switch into separate cars so that Japanese Fish could go get her hair braided. Yum Yum, Too Tough and I waited for Choco to get off work at 3pm. When he did we dropped Too Tough off at her house and Yum Yum, Choco and I dropped my truck off at my mom‘s job and headed to the barbershop.

Now I know I said I was going to get my hair braided in an attempt to actually let it grow out instead of hacking it all off all the time. My intention was to simply have the barber shape my hair up and maintain the length that I had going. The temptation of sitting in the barbershop was too much and I decided to go ahead and hack all my hair off again. It’s so short now! But it looks cute so I’m happy. Choco got his hair cut too. We both looked too fly.

From the barbershop we headed over to Sally Beauty Supply where I bought a bottle of 40 volume bleach with which to lighten my hair. After admiring my new short hair I wanted to finally take the plunge and bleach it up to see how it would look. We came back to my house then, so I could pick up my car. Yum Yum promised that she would dye my hair that night but we got sidetracked because we stopped over Too Tough’s house again and smoked and listened to music. We picked up Big Daddy because he wanted to hang too. Someone had the bright idea that we should all go down to the strip like tourists and ride the roller coaster at New York, New York. A phone call from a group of friends already chilling in the ESPN Zone inside of New York, New York cinched the deal and we all (minus Too Tough who had to work Saturday morning) rode over there to engage in drunken socialization.

By the time we got to the bar inside the ESPN zone the group of people already there were well on their way to being sloppy drunk. ESPN Zone drinks are skimpy and expensive. I paid $15 for 2 apple martinis that were like two swallows big. At Fridays the same $15 would get me two apple martinis the size of margaritas and I’d probably be drunk. What were we paying for, the name? It was a nice place though, I wouldn’t mind going there to watch some games. I’d probably only drink beer though because the mixed drinks are a rip-off.

Already at the zone were Headwrap girl, Afrogirl and Long Ponytail. Long Ponytail had probably had too many drinks by the time we got there because as soon as she saw Big Daddy she practically jumped in his lap. By the end of the night we all knew she wanted to fuck him but that’s another story. We talked them into joining us on the roller coaster (after we all had a few drinks) and we boisterously made our way up to the top of the New York, New York casino so that we could ride the Manhattan Express. It costs $10 to ride it. Personally I feel like those of us that actually live in Sin City should get a discount on shit like that (maybe $5?) but that’s just my opinion and no one asked me.

We paid for the rental lockers they provide for you to stow coats and purses in. We made our way through the line and paid the $10. I was afraid I would get sick and throw up. I kept saying that the whole time. Everyone kept telling me not to worry about it. I didn’t want to ride the roller coaster by myself but I ended up having to ride it by myself because Headwrap refused to ride by herself and she was acting like a big baby.

I kept my eyes closed for the entire ride. My head was banging back and forth on the roller coaster and I kept trying to prevent myself from getting a headache or bursting a blood vessel in my head from screaming. By the time I got off that roller coaster I had a headache anyway. I still enjoyed the experience. I don’t know if it was the experience of being out on the roller coaster or the experience of just being out on the strip period. I tend to avoid the strip like the plague. I was actually surprised by how fun it was to hang out there. The people that I was with just made the experience that much better.

I don’t have a kinky thought for today. Nothing planned and formal anyway. In the spirit of trying to exercise my writing muscle I have decided to write down these random kinky thoughts that popped into my head for further exploration.

Why are people so turned on by the idea of two women having sex, but when confronted with the idea of two men having sex they suddenly become “grossed out“?

Why is being “bisexual” suddenly so chic now?

What was Lil Romeo’s mother wearing on the Billboard Awards?

I think I heard on the radio this morning that Puffy showed his dick at someone’s wedding reception? Can anyone confirm?

When do you become too old to be hanging out at the club? Do you ever become to old to go clubbing?

Why do 30 year old men have girlfriends that are 17 and 18 years old?

Am I the only one that hoped Ananda’s show would be a little bit better than this? Isn’t she just the 106 and Park version of the Ricki Lake show?

Speaking of 106 and Park is “Rock the Boat” still the number one video or is it safe to start watching it again?

We are all sad that Aaliyah died but aren’t the radio stations going into overdrive with her songs? (I wanted to say overkill but it didn’t seem appropriate.)

When will Monique’s muse come back?

Have you ever had a realization that hit you in such a way you felt like a veil was lifted from your eyes? I’ve had one of those. I’m having one of those right now. That is like the most wonderful and most freeing feeling in the world.

I’m tired and distracted tonight and I can’t seem to focus on anything. I’ve started another writing piece. I got the idea from a conversation I had with some coworkers at lunch today. I made some notes so I’ll be able to revisit the topic later on. I still want to finish the piece on our miseducation but I can’t seem to focus on that either. I don’t know why my concentration is straying but it probably has a lot to do with me being tired.

I got talked into going out to the club this weekend. The club in Vegas on a Saturday night. Oh boy. Yum Yum and Japanese Fish want to go shopping this weekend for clothes. We get off early on Friday and they want to go to the mall immediately after. Shopping with the girls is always fun. Then again, I’ll use anything as an excuse to shop.

I was considering trying to go 30 days without watching television. Then I remembered the new season of Sex and the City is starting in January. Maybe I’ll consider trying to watch only one hour of television a week. I bet that seems like a lot to the people that don’t watch televlsion at all.

Ok why is Lem from Soul Food also a video choreographer? I’m talking about the Lem on Showtime’s Soul Food, not Mekhi Phifer. He did the choreography for N’Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye” and Britney Spears’ “Drive Me Crazy”. You can get a video with him teaching you the routines for both of those videos plus his extra special street pop-locking/breakdance routine that he developed in honor of his years as a breakdancer on the streets of Bronx, NY. All righty then.

I’m sleepy. I think I’m going to bed.

I’m working on a new piece for kinky thoughts. It relates to a discussion that Huny, Serenity, Jai, Kari, Kelly and I had last night regarding the miseducation we receive in our schools. How much we are not taught. I feel very passionate about that subject so I have a lot to say.

Today is a late day. Have I mentioned that I love the late days? I always get up and write. I have two notepads constantly on my desk that I am constantly scribbling notes on throughout the day. Today I’m going to try and take my notes all in haiku. Damn i just thought of two and just that quickly they are gone cause i didn’t write them down.

Shit, I forgot I need to wash my hair. Bye. I’m going in the shower now.

I know that I am an incurable flirt. It just comes naturally with me I guess. I like to flirt. There is something about the idea that I am turning another person on that completely and totally turns me on. Not turned on so much that I want to jump their bones (although that can happen too) but just in the sense that I am both amused and aroused at the idea of another person being amused and aroused by me. I am an aggressive flirt; I don’t shy away from innuendo when I perceive that it is welcome. Double entendres work really well. I find that most people enjoy that. It’s that subtle playing with words and body language that consenting adults do.

In the beginning flirting had a purpose. Akin to the mating rituals in the animal kingdom, flirting was a means of translating your feelings for someone into some form of communication. Be it eye contact or verbal intercourse the interaction was saying one thing - I like you, therefore I am going to display that attitude towards you. Also, I might possibly like to fuck you, and if you are feeling the same thing then hell let’s dispense with the subliminal messages and get down to the business of fucking shall we?

But wait. Once the business of fucking is over and you’ve discovered that he or she is a lousy lay and you never want to have sex with this person again what are you left with? Even if the sex is wonderful there is probably some other kind of hang up (i.e. he is crazy or she has issues) and it will never work. Or maybe the sex is great, there are no hang ups and you fuck on and on for months only to discover you hate the way he hangs toilet paper on the roll or the way she leaves her stockings drying over the shower rail. The magic and luster have worn off and it is no longer fun for you.

Which is why flirting is a good thing. Between two consenting adults, flirting can be a great thing. Who doesn’t like the idea of another person having sensual thoughts about them? We all can use that little boost at some point during our day. Isn’t there some person you come in contact with that you like to say a few extra words to knowing that you will get a favorable response from them? You say something sweet, they say something sweet back, you follow with a little innuendo and they smile coyly at you before walking away. This activity might continue on and on throughout the day with several different people. It makes those hours in between coffee and lunch breaks go a little faster. It makes the commute to and from work a little more interesting. It makes the chore of going to the grocery store and spending $100 a week just a little more satisfying.

There are guys that I flirt with at work. I walk slowly when I pass by their desks. I smile sweetly and wink my eyes demurely at them and they respond with wide grins and “Hi Monique” in a singsong fashion that makes me feel like a cover model. When I’m on break they walk up to me in the break room and stand close so they can catch a whiff of my perfume. I pretend not to notice and instead fiddle with my cell phone or talk to my girls sitting in the break room with me.

There’s a guy I flirt with every time I go to the grocery store. I know the minute he notices I’m in the store because he makes a conscious effort to be visible to me from every aisle I’m walking on. He’s the manager of the store so I guess no one is going to walk up to him and ask him what the hell he is doing. Besides, he always seems busy. He waits until I‘m at the checkout counter before he makes his move. He has to catch my attention in some kind of way. He will tap me on the shoulder or walk right in my path with a basket full of toilet paper. Anything to make me notice him. I like it and I flirt back. Blatantly. I ask him for carryouts and everything. It’s fun to me and I know he gets a kick out of it. It never goes any further than that and it never has to. Just the idea of the weekly flirt is enough for both of us.

My flirting, as I’ve said, is full of innuendo. I’ve always said that I have the ability to lower the level of any conversation, no matter the subject. I know when and when not to use this, but when used to my advantage while flirting it makes things fun. I’m not going to reveal all my secrets because the game is to be sold, not told. Suffice it to say that I believe in making people feel good, even if it is just conversation. The idea behind flirting being the fantasy of it all. You are playing on the fact that you and this other person have something of an attraction towards each other, and pretending that this situation has the chance to play into something different.

And then there are those IM flirts. You know the ones. You talk to them in IMs and they are constantly dropping compliments on you or otherwise verbally stroking you up. So maybe you send a compliment back, and it goes from there. Depending on the circumstances and the two individuals it can go anywhere. People flirt online all the time. The idea of some virtual stranger digging you can be an overload on the senses. You’ll find that you will say and do things a lot differently than you would in face to face interaction. On the net there is a certain amount of detachment that comes with knowing that this person can’t see you looking like a bum in your baggy sweats and t-shirt. It is liberating and it makes you more daring. So you cross the line knowing that no one can hear what you are saying. It’s just words on a screen.

In an instant message there is no body language to speak of. You can’t give coy little winks, shy smiles or linger too long over a handshake. All you have is the verbal and whatever you can do with that. Words can be a very powerful thing when they are all you have. And flirting in an IM can very easily cross the line into cyber sex but that is a topic for another article.

I like flirting in IMs. (I don’t like flirting with everyone in IMs so don’t go into overdrive you perverts.) The occasional flirt when saying hello to someone whose blog you read or whose site you visit on a daily basis can be the bonding experience that your cyber relationship needs. I like Internet flirting for the most part. Most people have been able to maintain that level of decency where even though the line is crossed; it’s not crossed to the point where I want to slap anyone. They read my site and see the things I write and think that they know me and what I like. Sadly they don’t but I still play the game because it’s fun, right?

No matter when, where or how you flirt, remember that flirting is a healthy activity. It’s gets the blood flowing. It’s a form of communication which, when perfected, can be used to your advantage. Show me a woman who has never flirted to get a little something extra at one time or another in her life and I will show you a bitch with no skills. The same goes for men. Show me a man who has never flirted when he thought it would get him ahead and I will show you a player with no game. They work women who work in retail. I know from experience, having spent some time working in retail. We all flirt and work our waiter and waitress at the restaurant or the guy washing our car.

Some flirting can get on your nerves. That totally unwanted but still insistent kind of flirting. The guy (or girl) that is always flirting with you even though you have never flirted back and don’t even give this person any reason to think that you would like to be flirted with by them. That kind of flirting can grate your nerves. You grin and bear it though. Or you tell the person to fuck off. You do have a choice you know. After all, there is no real relationship in flirting.

And that my friends is the greatest perk of flirting. There are no ties. I can flirt with you today and look at you like you are made of glass tomorrow. It won’t matter. My having flirted with you the day before will be but a fleeting thought in the back of your mind as I walk past you and don’t say hi, pretending I’ve never spoken to you in my life. Shouldn’t all break ups be this simple?

Today was an incredibly long day. I had coffee this morning and I thought it would make it all right but my evening after work got dragged on and I ended up not getting home until seven. I hate when I come home later than normal. It feels like it throws my entire rhythm off.

We have two late nights this week at work and I am glad for that. Late nights mean that I can sleep in that morning. I like being able to sleep in. There is something about sleep and me in the mornings. Sleep is my friend. It doesn’t help that I am a night owl. I can stay up for hours but I hate getting up in the morning. It’s always a drag. I do it though because that’s what we get paid to do right?

Today on lunch the crew and I took a ride to the park. We were talking about Eddie Murphy and how he changed after he made Coming to America. I attributed it to his sudden crossover appeal with that film. The peanut gallery seemed to agree. Coming to America was a very funny movie though.

I need to be better organized. I am organizationally challenged. Well I shouldn’t say that. My room could be in a complete and total mess but I know exactly where everything is. My mom says that when your space is cluttered like that it is a reflection of the state of your mind. Well, I think my mind is pretty cluttered too. I’m trying to work on clearing some of the bullshit out.

Courtney said she is getting started on her New Year’s Resolutions early. I think I should start on mine early too simply because I will probably need a head start sticking with them.

Tonight Haikuboy made me smile. He says the sweetest things sometimes. I like the spontaneous IM hugs. I like them a lot. He still reads my site and analyzes my words to see if I am writing about him. I like that too. I think it’s funny when people ask me if I was referring to them when I wrote this or that. I wonder when they will stop trying to figure it out.

I’m going to come up with a new list of pseudonyms. Then no one will know who anyone is and everyone will be working their hardest trying to guess. And I am easily amused. Har.

Do they really have rehab for people who smoke marijuana? Can you really be rehabbed for smoking weed?

So my cousin Sportscaster and I issued a challenge to each other. We said we were both going to start keeping a better eye on the things that we put in our mouths, get more exercise and drink more water. We are supposed to report to each other on a daily basis to see how well we do. Now I’m really Bridget Jones cause I think I’m going to write about it in my journal too.

So today I got no exercise. I drank water but I also had a 20-oz Pepsi and a Venti Traditional at Starbucks. I had a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, a pop tart from the vending machine on my late afternoon break (I skipped lunch) and a bowl of ramen noodles for dinner. I am fully aware that this is not the route I should be taking. Tomorrow will be a better day I’m sure.

I need to come up with a list of resolutions. I said that already but I’m revisiting that thought. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what matters and what doesn’t. What I have time for in my life and what I don’t. Trying to distinguish between the two sets and let go of the things that are wastes of my time and energy. Letting go is hard though isn’t it?

I wrote an article for kinky thoughts. I was able to actually produce something that is in line with the caliber of writing I would like to continue producing for that part of the site. It’s my vision so to speak. I want to be able to write with clarity and make sense to a broader audience. I am working on polishing up my writing so this will be good practice for me. I actually dug out my old MLA handbook for that one.

The book was crowded into the top drawer of the computer desk which is already brimming over with hundreds of things (I mentioned my lack of organization) and when I pulled it out it was like welcoming home an old friend. Then I started reading through the book from the front page and I realized how much of a refresher I could use on some of those standard writing lessons. I saw many of the mistakes I commonly make. And then I saw a paragraph that spoke volumes to me about where I am as a writer.

From The Little, Brown Compact Handbook Third Edition by Jane E. Aaron:

Before you begin using this book, you may need to banish a very common misconception: that writing is only, or even mainly, a matter of correctness. True, any written message will find a more receptive audience if it is correct in grammar, punctuation, and similar matters. But these concerns should come late in the writing process, after you’ve allowed yourself to discover what you have to say, freeing yourself to make mistakes along the way. As one writer put it, you need to get the clay on the potter’s wheel before you can shape it into a bowl, and you need to shape it into a bowl before you can perfect it. So get your clay on the wheel and work with it until it looks like a bowl. Then worry about correctness.

I am still trying to learn that it doesn’t have to come out perfectly the first time around. I’m hoping this side journal will help me get the crap out. That’s the purpose of it anyway. Somewhere I can write in that random stream of consciousness style that I love so dearly. A lot of my writing ideas come from me just free-writing in a journal about any and everything. That’s how the majority of my haiku come about.

Anyway it’s time for bed. I’m yawning and the clock is edging closer to midnight.

I am happy to have gotten the layout up and running on the site. Thanks to everyone who sent emails and IMs telling me it looked nice. It was appreciated.

That is all I worked on today. I’m writing a piece about flirting but I want to edit it some before I post it up for consumption. I am also going to post some of the novel from nanowrimo (even though i only got 45,000 words). I thought it might be nice to rework some of it into short stories. I wanted to put a fiction writing section up so it will probably go in there. In the meantime I have issued the challenge for myself again, to see how much I can write in the next thirty days. Not a book per se, but just writing things and putting them up for consumption. I had gotten out of the habit of writing for the site on a daily basis and I’m trying to get back into that habit.

That’s all the kinky thoughts I have time for today.

I hate a blank page in a journal, don’t you?

I was in an ok mood today I guess. Lately I’ve been in a funk where I haven’t felt like doing anything. I don’t know what it is, but it started way before I got my period so I can’t blame it on PMS. I want to figure it out though. Sometimes I feel so unmotivated.

I got to talk to my cousin Sportscaster for a long time tonight. We talked about eating and diets and stuff like that. I need to figure out a new way of eating. Today I feel really FAT.

Other than that I’m cool. A little tired maybe but that is to be expected considering the hours I’ve been keeping. I need to improve my sleeping patterns too.

At least I’ve been drinking more water.

No, you did not just open Bridget Jones’ diary.

I got up this morning so I could put in more time working on my layout. I am still very pleased with the results and those that I have allowed a sneak peek have given it rave reviews as well. Everything is moving along rather smoothly. I had hoped to have it out by the end of the weekend and that may or may not happen; it all depends on what I can get accomplished today. I still have other things to do as well and I told Yum Yum that I would come hang out with her today at some point. I also need to wash clothes and clean my room. Yes, the weekly house chores that were put off yesterday will actually have to be completed today. Whoa is me right?

So the layout is still forthcoming. There are a lot of other things I have to do along with it like reorganize my files on my web server and put the images in the correct directories. That’s going to take time too. When you try to fit it all in it never seems like you have enough time.

I saw Oliver on AIM two days this week. WOW!

I am way behind on my blog reading. I also need to reorganize my links for the new links page. My haiku is getting a page all its own with archives so you can go back and read all the crap haiku I’ve written over the last few months. There are some funny ones in there though.