I had a really bizarre dream last night. I’m riding in the car with my mother, brother and sister. We are talking about the reasons that each of us has bad feelings about my mom. I take my turn, my brother takes his turn but my sister refuses to take her turn. Instead she staunchly defends my mother against whatever my brother and I say. I get so frustrated that I slap my mother in the face.
Then we are at the house where we grew up. We’re sitting in the living room and I ask my mother why the front door is open. She says it’s because we are waiting for the pizza man to come. I get mad and tell her that you shouldn’t leave the front door wide open just because someone is coming. I get up to close it and my sister tells me that I complain too much. I get mad at her and decide to ignore her. It doesn’t work though because I keep trying to explain how I feel to the three of them and they are totally unsympathetic to anything that I have to say.
So to get their attention I jump on my mom and start slapping her face and pulling her hair. It still doesn’t phase her. She doesn’t cry or flinch or anything when I’m hitting her. I yell some accusations at her and she just shines me on and tells me to get over it. My brother disappeared from the dream at some point but I didn’t notice where. All I know is all of a sudden he wasn’t there anymore.
My sister and I go outside and get in the car. We drive to some building where everyone is running trying to escape something or other. I’m trying to keep up with her, watch over her and make sure nothing happens to her but she keeps running off with her friends. So I’m chasing them down and the only thing that makes my sister stop running is her period starting. She promises to go back to the house and I tell her I’ll go get her some tampons. While I’m standing outside the store I hear some guys mention the name of an L.A. rap group that I am friends with all the members of. I turn to him and ask him what he’s saying about them. He asks me what do I know about them. I tell him that I grew up with almost all the members and that one of the members used to be my boyfriend. “Oh,” he says and walks away.
And then I woke up. What a bizarre fucked up dream. It’s funny though. There are parts of it that speak loud and clear to me, letting me know that I have some issues with some people that need to be worked out. The things that I shouted to my mom in the dream have to do with things that hurt me when I was younger. The things with my brother have to do with some issues I have with things I know have hurt him. And my sister. I’m way too protective of my sister and I’m always trying to look out for her. But I realize that she’s not a little girl anymore; next month she will be twenty-four years old and she takes good care of herself.
And the people not listening. I always feel like people don’t fully understand what I am trying to say or that I am not making myself clear enough when trying to express my feelings or emotions.
And me fussing at my mom about the front door. I have this habit of always asking my mom “Did you remember to lock the door? Did you remember to turn off the iron? Is the candle blown out? Did you leave the stove on?” One day my mom left my door keys hanging in our mailbox when she checked the mail. When we went back to look for them they were gone and we were afraid that someone had the keys to our house. I was so mad at her that day. Another time I came home and found that the front door had not been fully closed all day; the thumbscrew had been turned and the door was pulled so that it looked closed, but it wasn’t. Needless to say I’m paranoid now that my mom is going to forget something small like that. And that’s probably why it showed up in my dream in the vague form that it did.
So what else did I yell at my mom about in the dream? That’s an entirely different entry all its own.
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