We are sweating like pigs in our apartment. Summer has made an early
appearance in Los Angeles, and the extra heat it brought with it has
caused an incredible amount of turmoil in our apartment. Our air
conditioner doesn't work. The management has been notified previously,
and according to the maintenance man he fixed it, but when the
temperature outside hit ninety degrees yesterday and the thermostat
inside registered nearly one hundred, we attempted to cool ourselves
off with the one luxury we expect to work each time we turn to it, and
that one luxury let us down. We closed all the windows, closed the
blinds, lowered the thermostat to about sixty and tried to cool off,
but to no avail. All that blew out of the vents was more hot air, and
our apartment turned into a sauna. Outside the window, I could hear our
neighbors and their children taking advantage of our apartments
swimming pool, and as much as I wanted to join them, I couldn't. I had
no swimsuit.
Normally this wouldn't be a problem, because
when with my family, I'll just put on an old pair of shorts and a tank
top and have at it, but this is a new apartment complex for me, full of
families with children, and I couldn't bring myself in all my divatude
to go out in a pair of cutoffs and t-shirt, so I suffered. I put the
fan directly on me, walked back and forth from the kitchen depleting
our ice supply, and with every splash I heard from outside, I found
myself becoming more and more annoyed. Finally I couldn't take it any
longer and decided to drag myself out to do something I haven't done
since I was 18 years old and still able to wear a "normal" "large". I
went out to by a swimsuit.
My first stop was Ross. It was only
fitting since this is the last place I bought a swimsuit. I even
managed to find myself in the exact same Ross, which was a sheer
coincidence; at eighteen my then boyfriend lived around the corner from
it, and now I do. I waded through the jumbled and crowded store and
found myself in the Women's Plus section, that jungle of confused
racks, unwanted discards carelessly thrown back on the racks and
questionable style choices. The first suit to catch my eye was a
bright red Apple Bottoms number, but it was a little too pricey and a
bit too showy for my tastes. The next thing I picked up was a cute
Delta Burke suit that looked more like a swim dress, had just enough
pink in it and an attached bottom underneath the dress. At $29.99 it
wasn't that bad of a deal, so I put it in my cart and went looking for
a cover up. The only thing they had were these long tank-top style
dresses that I thought were cute, if not a little plain, but I put one
in my cart anyway. I was satisfied and made my way to the front of the
store, only to find the line so long you would think they were selling
tickets to a Jay-Z concert. If you will learn anything about me, you
will learn that I lack patience, and nothing will make me put stuff
back in a store faster than a long ass line, so I left my cart holding
my place in line while I jumped in my car and made off to the mall.
Ah,
the mall. A fat girl's nightmare usually, but this particular mall has
a Macy's, a Torrid and a Lane Bryant. I went to Torrid first. Torrid
is by far my favorite store for fat girl fashions, because they seem to
understand that although we are big, we want to look cute and stylish,
and their stuff is just all of that. The other draw for me is that
because they are not in every shopping center, I don't have to worry
about looking like someone's twin the way I do if I buy things at Lane
Bryant. This Torrid had their swimsuits right in the front of the
store, so I went to take a peek. I will admit that I was immediately
discouraged by the prices. I had a budget I was working with, and the
$80 ensembles that Torrid had going on although hot and sexy were a
little bit above what I was working with, so I immediately walked out
of the store.
My next stop was Macy's Woman, but the
saleswoman immediately told me that they had no swimsuits in "large"
sizes, only in "regular" sizes. I looked around the racks anyway,
wanting to see if they had anything cute, which they did. Lots and
lots of Baby Phat. Beyonce's Derreon line is now available in
plus-sizes, but to be quite honest, I'm not really impressed with her
line. The name is not catchy enough for me, and as a label whore, it
is not well known enough either. Besides, it looks like a bunch of
t-shirts she slapped a lot of glittery logos on, and that is a bit of a
turnoff to me. I left Macy's and went to Lane Bryant, where I was also
told there were no swimsuits.
I left the mall empty handed.
When I got home, my roommate and I had a few people over, and they
wanted to get in the pool. It was now almost one in the morning, and
all the kids had since gone to bed, so I saw nothing wrong with putting
on my ghetto ensemble, and I gave my roommate's friends a National
Geographic show they are not likely to forget soon, because once that
water hit the thin material of the Old Navy tank top I was wearing, it
was completely see-through. No one said anything.
Today the
heat struck again. I left the house again determined to find a
swimsuit. I went back to Torrid again and looked over their
merchandise. The swimsuits are all really cute, but once again, I was
not prepared to spend $80 just so I could get in the pool today. I
went across the street to Target where I found the cutest boy short
bottoms ever, but the top to the set was missing. Discouraged, I left
and came home where I sat in the heat for a little bit before deciding
to try a different Target.
This Target actually had the top to
the boy shorts I had found in the previous Target, but did not have the
bottoms in my size. FRUSTRATION! I looked around more and found a
cute swim skirt that was on sale for 9.99. A little more digging
garnered me a cute halter-style top to match, and after receiving a
little too much attitude from the dressing room attendant, I tried them
on.
I will state again that this is the first time I've gone
shopping for a real swimsuit in so many years. When I had the entire
outfit on, I couldn't help smiling at myself in the mirror. The
swimsuit was cute, and it gave me an idea of where I want to go with my
body next. Sure, I'm still fat, but I looked good in it. It wasn't an
"old lady" suit which we are relegated to a lot of times; it was an
honest to goodness stylish set, and I got it for under $30. The halter
style top can be a little uncomfortable with my heavy breasts, but I
found a way to make even that work, and the feeling of being in a
bathing suit again more than made up for it.
Of course, now I am
plotting how to go to Torrid and get one of the more expensive sets,
because if a Target suit can make me feel this good, I can only imagine
what a suit worth some money will do.
As soon as I got home from
Target, I put that swimsuit on and walked my fat ass outside and got in
the pool. The suit is cute, and I had a few men admiring my breasts in
it. The top does a good job flattering them, and I felt no shame at all
prancing around the pool this evening. I went back and forth from the
pool to the jacuzzi, all the while feeling good in the new suit. This
is how it should be.
I plan to spend a lot of time at the pool this summer, so I plan to make sure I have more than one suit.
Today was what Weight Watchers would call a non-scale victory.
Today, I kicked ass in a swimsuit.
What I like most about this lunch box is the two compartments. There is the larger box part, which holds the majority of my vittles for the day. It didn't come with any sort of plasticware of its own, and I have been as yet unable to fit any of my current Gladware in there, but sandwich bags and snack bags are your friends. 
Packing my own food has actually made me seek out and find more healthy snacks that fill me up, because as much as I like the 100-calorie snack packs, I found out the hard way that not only can you not subsist on them alone, but you can also overdo it with sugar and carbs if you eat too many of them. The first few weeks I was brown bagging it, I was packing nothing but snacks, and blowing through them halfway before my day was over. I've since learned my lesson, and include more choices for myself so that I am not starving by day's end. I still bring the 100-calorie packs, but I also have yogurt, apples, low-calorie cheese slices and the occasional sandwich to help get me through the day. The best part about all of this is that packing my own food has put me more in control of my "diet". 
I would also like to state for the record that I am not really on any type of "diet", but rather I am changing my habits so that I can change me. This doesn't mean that I don't eat out or enjoy myself. Quite the contrary. I'm learning that there are more healthy choices out there than people would think, and with a little imagination and some careful planning, you can pretty much eat anywhere and anything you want. My retail job subsidizes lunch for us. Each day they put out a choice of places that they will order the next day's lunch from. I only participate when there are places that I can create a reasonably healthy choice from; my all-time favorite being Loose Leaf. My favorite on their menu is Nanci's famous. We are having them today, so I packed my snack bag with that in mind. 
Since I will be at work until 8:30 tonight, the Loose Leaf salad will be my dinner, and everything in my snack bag will serve before that. I've been working on not eating anything really late at night so that I don't go to sleep on anything heavy. 
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